The strength of loneliness
I wanted to talk to you about this topic because I realized that it is not that easy to fully accept your need for solitude without feeling guilty and to embrace it fully.
Neither is, to succeed in overcoming your fear of loneliness, not suffering from it, and embracing the possible benefits that may appear.
It’s a great power to learn to be alone and love it.
To face your true beliefs.
I recently heard Naval Ravikant explain the method of meditation he uses:
He does nothing.
He doesn't focus on anything.
He finally leaves the possible thoughts that appear.
He explains that our mind is like a mailbox.
If we don't take the time to respond to every email and resolve their issues, we have an astronomical amount of unresolved stuff.
So the first mediations are just email resolutions until you finally get to empty the box.
And the emails that will then eventually appear will concern yesterday.
And the mind can begin to calm down.
In the present.
I find this vision really inpiring.
Indeed, what can be scary when you are alone, is to come face to face with yourself.
To this fear, this obsession, this unresolved stories. And by dint of not listening to them and taking them into consideration, we end up being overwhelmed.
It is therefore absolutely necessary, in order to live your life anchored in the present, to do a lot of cleaning.
So loneliness can become a moment of deep peace and not an attacking assault on our untamed mind.
I invite you to watch your habits carefully. Do you need noise all the time? Radio? TV? Are you constantly occupying your mind when you are alone? If you happen to eat alone, are you looking at your computer? phone? book? Newspaper? Or when you go for a walk in the forest with a friend, do you cover the walk with a chat, or do you leave some space in silence?
When you are alone, do you speak alone?
Are you making a conversation by yourself?
I know this is a strange question, but I have found that some people are totally unable to endure loneliness.
This incapacity is so strong, that they speak alone out loud to fill the silence, comment all the time even, I even know some who are making weird noise like "hum, hum, yes yes" very loudly when they do not discuss with anyone.
This is clearly a sign that their mind is hyperactive, and that it is so difficult to control the flow of thoughts or emotion, so they cover it with comments.
It’s a bit like taking a fouled up pain reliever for a headache, rather than exploring the real cause and treating the cause.
Commenting on everything, judging everything, is a way to fill the loneliness or the fear of not existing if one remains silent with others.
What does silence mean to you?
What if you allowed yourself to have conscious and deliberate moments of silence with others?
I have a friend who had experienced 3 days of total silence with her partner.
She had described it as an extraordinary experience.
This had developed their listening and their complicity.
Surprising that silence, verbal non-exchange develops listening?
Words sometimes cover the authenticity of what we are feeling.
But the gaze, the energy that we emanate is pure.
And when we open ourselves to listen to it, it is no longer the words of the mind that we perceive, but the words of the soul.
I invite you to experience moments of silence this week.
Not necessarily on meditation, but maybe by experiencing meals in silence, walks in silence, watch the sea in silence.
And let the peace of the moment fill you.
Experience how the void of words fills your soul.
Taking time alone confronts us with our fears and beliefs.
Being alone brings us face to face with our real us.
It allows us to know each other better.
To better understand how we work and therefore to understand how others work. It allows us to connect with ourselves.
And therefore to express our truth more easily.
Solitude can heal many words.
Those of the soul. But also those of the body.
Because being alone gives us the space to hear the messages of the body.
Once these messages are recognized we can then work on their real causes. The emotions.
At the heart of our hearts is often the antidote to all our words.
Because loneliness is not a way to escape the world, on the contrary.
Those who enjoy spending time alone find it easier to regulate their mood.
Because being alone allows us to embrace and be fully aware of our emotions and thoughts.
The followers of solitude know each other much better than all the others and it allows them to understand others much better.
Loneliness makes it possible not to run after the company of others, this of course does not mean not having friends, but rather it means that the friends you make will be essential and it will make you deeply loyal to them. .
An essential point too, loneliness allows you to build healthy boundaries.
Because by knowing each other perfectly well, we are able to adopt high values and have great integrity.
It also helps to know how to respect other people's limits, and let them know when they have exceeded them.
This allows you to develop an open mind, to be more curious, original and imaginative.
To be more ready for novelty and interesting ideas.
Being alone allows you to give value to time, to be aware that it is passing, so it allows you not to let anyone waste your time. Small chatter and other superficialities will then no longer have any meaning.
Loneliness is a real experience, which can be revealed to yourself.
Perhaps you recognized something in this description of the benefits of being alone that you would like to develop?
Why take a moment alone, and write in your notebook why you would like to develop this trait? And what does it bring to your life?
For me, for example, that would be to set healthy limits, to know how to express that the limits have been exceeded.
Loneliness is experienced as a punishment because in our society loneliness does not have a good reputation. Children are sent to their rooms when they do something wrong, adults to jail, employees to the closet.
We have integrated loneliness as abnormal.
As a way of being asocial. The modern world invades us with noise, music, TV, radio, basically preventing us from being just alone with ourselves.
As if our own company isn't good enough, as if being alone is sad after all.
But is better, being full of yourself alone, or empty of yourself with others?
Relearning to keep yourself company would be the key to a fulfilling life. A company that has proven itself scientifically and historically.
The artist's solitude, where all creation takes place in silence and meditation.
Writers, for example, are very alone, and it is in this solitude that great works are born, from epiphanies, ideas of genius.
We are not cut off from the divine in our solitude, on the contrary we are connected to it more than ever.
I have fond memories of my high school year.
In high school, of course, we had a lot of lessons, a lot of homework, a lot of work.
Woke up at 6 am to receive 8 hours of lessons, to then work 3 hours at home.
I remember when I was done with an important assignment and I had a bit of time just for myself, a feeling of looseness, calm and room to think! I felt a relief to be in the loneliness, in the silence, with space to just let my mind wander.
The feeling is exactly the same as when I go for a run in the morning, come home, take a shower, and finally I have all the space to work because I have done my physical activity for the day, I don't have to think about it anymore.
While writing it I do not find the concrete coherence but the feeling is the same.
The open space fills me with inspiration :p
Emotionally I have been assaulted for the past few days, receiving someone close to me who has encroached on my space. My living space but also my thought space, reproaching me for every detail of my way of living, of my choices, of my ideas.
Deconstructing one by one each of my realisations in all areas of my life.
With violence and humiliation.
This person, being very close, I did not dare to cut, I did not dare to take my speaking space, express my truth, I buried my emotions to avoid conflicts, and to keep the situation under control.
But her vision and her negativityn invaded my mind, then my body, in a few days I developed 4 very embarrassing health problems.
These health problems alerted me to my state of stress and anxiety.
I had to isolate myself on my own, to reconnect with myself, to calm the outside hubbub that had made me sick and to question my inner self about what I really wanted.
I found that my soul had been screaming at me for some time, that I was losing my power, submitting to someone else's authority.
But it was impossible for me to realize it because my will wanted peace, but my heart wanted silence.
So I put myself in silence.
In silence in front of this person, because my words were neither understood nor heard.
In silence to listen to my soul speak.
I listened to my emotion, my pain, my guilt for not being who I wanted to be.
I listened to this person's pain and fears, and realized that I couldn't heal them.
I listened in silence to my helplessness to resolve this situation.
I accepted my inability to resolve this situation.
I forgave my helplessness to resolve this situation.
I am filled with myself as I share these words.
But I am also filled with the sadness of mourning. The realization that this person will never be the way I dreamed her to be. That our relationship will never be ideal, or simply won't be.
And very slowly, I accept.
With kindness and silence.
I treat the ailments of my body as well as those of my heart.
Grieving is a long process that requires silence. The courage to look at thoughts and sufferings for one has healed the wounds.
Silence is the most I can offer in life today.
And I keep as a teaching, that silence reveals the authenticity of the self.
That it takes courage.
May it touch the depth of the being.
Nothing is more beautiful, than the silent purity of our being.
To be alone with our light and our demon to meet all the facets of our personality, means discovering humanity through our own humanity.
Daring to be alone opens the doors of immense benevolence.
And cut the tyranny of making others responsible for our development.